Trying (and failing!) to make friends

Some awkward encounters from my week.

I’m trying to make more friends local to where I live - I have a few lovely mates nearby but I’ve been missing the close friendships I used to have in London and feeling lonely so I decided to try and do something about it. Brace yourself for a catalogue of my experiences over the past two weeks.

I haven’t been brave enough to write about this on social media but the joy of a newsletter is that it feels a bit more private. Consider yourself privvy to the same information I’ve been WhatsApping my friends all week…

Ableism and aliens

Last week I was feeling brave so I went on two “mate dates” via Bumble BFFs.

The first was going well. We went to a cocktail bar, ordered a nice glass of wine and talked about renovations and our needy pets. She had chinchillas which, to be honest, sounded even more intense than Jess and Otto. The conversation moved on to her step sister’s new ADHD diagnosis and that’s when, if you can believe it, she laughingly repeated a joke her Dad had made about how it was a shame the cure for ADHD wasn’t death 😱

Then, two days later, I tried again. I went for a drink with a girl who asked me if I believe Covid was made in a lab. To be totally clear, I don’t. I gently asked if she believed in any other conspiracies, expecting to hear about chem trails or Hillary Clinton and pizza. She went on to tell me that the human race was created and enslaved by aliens to harvest the resources on earth. I hadn’t heard of this before but apparently it’s one of the big ones. She said if you look at Aztec art you can see the little extraterrestrials coming down from space.

I’m trying to keep an open mind but - if I’m honest - neither of these really feel like fertile ground for a friendship.

Am I an ‘influencer?’

On Sunday, determined to try again, I headed to a creative writing group meet-up. Things were going well until someone around the table mentioned that they were writing a book about an influencer who starts a cult (it sounded really good - I would definitely have read it). As they elaborated on their plot it became clear that they really didn’t like influencers. More and more of the group chimed in and it became a long, often mean-spirited conversation about people who make a living posting on social media. The more I listened, the more I felt like I wanted to say something and defend the industry I know and love. But the longer it went on, the harder it got and the more I was worried I’d cry if I opened my mouth. Eventually, after what felt like a lifetime, the conversation dried up. In the silence someone said “So, what does everyone do, then?” and - I kid you not - looked directly at me. I took a deep breath and said (in a very wobbly voice) “I work on Instagram”. 😫 A few minutes later I made my excuses, left and tried not to cry on the way to the bus stop.

A trip down memory lane

This week I spoke at the Cambridge University Careers Festival with the wonderful Courtney Boateng. It was quite a surreal moment for two reasons.

Firstly I went to university in Cambridge and it wasn’t a very happy time in my life. Oddly enough, speaking at the careers fair two years in a row has been quite a healing experience but it brings up some complicated feelings. Secondly I still have a lot of imposter syndrome in this industry so the idea that someone wants me to promote my career to students is bananas.

It was a special moment, though, and more than 10 years on I realised how far I’ve come since my unhappy university days.

Recommendations

• The Trust. If you love the Traitors you’ll love ‘The Trust’ on Netflix. It’s a show with a similar concept (who’s lying? who’s telling the truth?) but even more messed up. It’s got some fantastic characters, too. If you watch it please let me know so we can chat about Bryce 🙏

• Pasta Evangelists. I feel like I’m always recommending this but that’s because it’s *so good*! We had a proper pasta feast this week. The ragús are heaven and the cheese focaccia is weird but SO delicious. This link will get you £10 off your first order (and me £10 off my next one, too 😋. Win win!)

• Sentimental Garbage. This is one of my favourite podcasts! Author Caroline O’Donoghue talks to her guests about the culture we love that society can sometimes make us feel ashamed of. Think Norah Ephron, Gilmore Girls and Maroon 5. I’m half way through this episode about Robbie Williams and absolutely loving it.