I’ve had two friendship breakups. I never understood why either one happened. In one of the cases, I found out years later that my friend had been going through a particularly difficult period in her life and was unable to share it with me and drifted away. We are reconciled now, and are quite close to each other. To this day, I have no idea what happened in the other case, but I have found that my friend has distanced herself from the a vast majority of our group of friends, so it probably had little to do with our relationship and more to do with her personal journey. I wish her well, and hope she is doing well.
Oh wow, this really resonates. I’ve had a friendship breakdown in the last year and what hurts most is the lack of closure because they never explained why they stopped making effort, and I never confronted her with the fact she was no longer meeting my needs. It really feels like a bereavement.
A lot of people have said the same, that it’s very difficult to get over without some closure. Have you considered asking your friend what’s happening for them? Maybe a conversation would give you what you need to move on
Im so sorry this happened, it’s very sad. I must say though, surprising. My best friend has suffered with anxiety and depression gut the last couple of years, although it has felt quite a one sided friendship at times, I know she would do the same for me and that in time things will get better. We’re not all the same I know but I feel you have been misunderstood and maybe this is a friendship you need to let go. ❤️
I deleted my initial comment as I now feel the need to say best friends allow ebbs and flows or Gumby flexibility (if you are that old to get Gumby). I don't know you, nor your friend. I have no agenda. I just know, I have friends for 36+ years and still I can have these arguments. Again, no idea what happened to you. But you "communicated" ... That one...maybe think if dismissed on hello. But regardless. Friendships can go on hold if you need it. I'm just putting it out there if someone goes hi, you say hi, you both know it's difficult today. What I see, it's pretty solid. You have respect. Lives change. So, work together, if worth it. Hell, they are worth it. You are worth it. No one reaches out if they don't care. Set your boundaries without fear! Trust me there. They likely feel expectations and judgement. But high level complete biased assumption I hope is relevant
I've been through many a friendship break-up and every single one of them I've been blind-sighted by. Not knowing why I'm not longer liked, no longer wanted has left me grieving hard.
Your story resonated with the late 20's period of my life where I had several friendships (some of which I think were more acquaintanceships) end. Some my choice, some theirs. It does seem that it's inevitable we do so much growing and solidifying who we are as individuals during our 20's that we become someone incompatible with old friends.
I've always found that men deal with this differently than women They allow the friendship to drift and give homage to what it was and consider it time well spent; then refer to that pal as a life long friend even if theydo or never touch base again. Women are wired for relationship and so there is this tug to make it work, or tell the other why it isn't working. There's more of an expectation that needs will be met and it's not always a healthy expectation.
I think in your case, you are maturing to want more depth in friendships and that to me as a gen x woman, is normal. But I see that less in women under 35ish. Your old friend wanted surface. SHe was the one to pull the plug, but if you search yourself, you might ask yourself if this old friend still fed your soul? You are a people pleaser and that might stop you from letting go of friendships that aren't feeding your soul because you don't want to hurt anyone. I'm sure I'm not the first to tell you, please don't feel rejected. You weren't what she wanted anymore but that isn't necessarily a bad thing.
Back to my late 20's... it was scary to have a bit of a void of friends in my life, but what came out of it was realizing that it opened me and my time up to find my tribe; people who were more in line with who I was as I entered my 30's. And I hope this ending allows you the time to open yourself to that too.
I’ve had two friendship breakups. I never understood why either one happened. In one of the cases, I found out years later that my friend had been going through a particularly difficult period in her life and was unable to share it with me and drifted away. We are reconciled now, and are quite close to each other. To this day, I have no idea what happened in the other case, but I have found that my friend has distanced herself from the a vast majority of our group of friends, so it probably had little to do with our relationship and more to do with her personal journey. I wish her well, and hope she is doing well.
Oh wow, this really resonates. I’ve had a friendship breakdown in the last year and what hurts most is the lack of closure because they never explained why they stopped making effort, and I never confronted her with the fact she was no longer meeting my needs. It really feels like a bereavement.
A lot of people have said the same, that it’s very difficult to get over without some closure. Have you considered asking your friend what’s happening for them? Maybe a conversation would give you what you need to move on
I’m impressed your friend had the guts to message. But, I think sometimes an official cut of can be harder than a drift apart… 💚
Im so sorry this happened, it’s very sad. I must say though, surprising. My best friend has suffered with anxiety and depression gut the last couple of years, although it has felt quite a one sided friendship at times, I know she would do the same for me and that in time things will get better. We’re not all the same I know but I feel you have been misunderstood and maybe this is a friendship you need to let go. ❤️
I deleted my initial comment as I now feel the need to say best friends allow ebbs and flows or Gumby flexibility (if you are that old to get Gumby). I don't know you, nor your friend. I have no agenda. I just know, I have friends for 36+ years and still I can have these arguments. Again, no idea what happened to you. But you "communicated" ... That one...maybe think if dismissed on hello. But regardless. Friendships can go on hold if you need it. I'm just putting it out there if someone goes hi, you say hi, you both know it's difficult today. What I see, it's pretty solid. You have respect. Lives change. So, work together, if worth it. Hell, they are worth it. You are worth it. No one reaches out if they don't care. Set your boundaries without fear! Trust me there. They likely feel expectations and judgement. But high level complete biased assumption I hope is relevant
X
I've been through many a friendship break-up and every single one of them I've been blind-sighted by. Not knowing why I'm not longer liked, no longer wanted has left me grieving hard.
Completely understand how you're feeling.
Your story resonated with the late 20's period of my life where I had several friendships (some of which I think were more acquaintanceships) end. Some my choice, some theirs. It does seem that it's inevitable we do so much growing and solidifying who we are as individuals during our 20's that we become someone incompatible with old friends.
I've always found that men deal with this differently than women They allow the friendship to drift and give homage to what it was and consider it time well spent; then refer to that pal as a life long friend even if theydo or never touch base again. Women are wired for relationship and so there is this tug to make it work, or tell the other why it isn't working. There's more of an expectation that needs will be met and it's not always a healthy expectation.
I think in your case, you are maturing to want more depth in friendships and that to me as a gen x woman, is normal. But I see that less in women under 35ish. Your old friend wanted surface. SHe was the one to pull the plug, but if you search yourself, you might ask yourself if this old friend still fed your soul? You are a people pleaser and that might stop you from letting go of friendships that aren't feeding your soul because you don't want to hurt anyone. I'm sure I'm not the first to tell you, please don't feel rejected. You weren't what she wanted anymore but that isn't necessarily a bad thing.
Back to my late 20's... it was scary to have a bit of a void of friends in my life, but what came out of it was realizing that it opened me and my time up to find my tribe; people who were more in line with who I was as I entered my 30's. And I hope this ending allows you the time to open yourself to that too.