I’ve been feeling low recently. Not worryingly, all-consumingly low. Just “life is temporarily a little less shiny” low. I’m doing all the right things - loads of fresh air and exercise, not overworking myself, cuddling my husband and my dogs. So now I just need to wait for it to pass, because it always does!
There are daffodils in the park so it feels like spring is just around the corner… 🌼
A dog update
The most common message I’ve been sent recently is “did I miss something? Have you got another dog?” That’s because last week we went from two dogs to three while we look after our friend’s whippet, Chevis, while they’re away. Chev is a regular fixture at our house so he fits in well with the gang and it’s been fun having a houseful of silly, stringy friends.
The logistics have been challenging. Walking two dogs is hard but walking three on your own is too much for us. We’ve been planning our whole days around making sure we’re both home at walk time: first thing in the morning, after lunch and before bed.
Meal times are beautiful chaos. Imagine this: You wake from a dream to the feeling of three short, sharp smacks on your forehead - Otto’s signature language. You open one eye to see his face peering down at you, his nose almost touching yours. His breath smells of salmon. You look at the clock: it’s 6:15 am and he’s woken you up tell you his blanket has fallen on the floor. You get out of bed to pick it up, tuck him in and curl back up, praying for another hour’s sleep.
15 minutes later the zoomies begin. The only way to stop it is to stumble out of bed, pull on whatever clothes you can find (today it’s your husband’s dressing gown) and start the labour-intensive process of mixing dried food, paté and various medications to the soundtrack of twelve impatient, tippy-tapping paws.
My only solace is that a friend of mine has two dogs and two kids under two which sounds like unimaginably hard work. I’d take three sighthounds any day.
An uncomfortable confession…
If you’re squeamish then this section isn’t for you. Keep scrolling and I’ll see you for the bit about being a content creator!
I cannot emphasise enough how unglamorous this is about to get but I’m taking a deep breath and writing it anyway. If you’re reading this fresh out the oven you should know that I’m probably huddled in a corner somewhere as we speak cringing so hard!
Here goes…
If you follow me on Instagram and you’re sharp-eyed you might have noticed that, when I’m not wearing makeup, my lips often look blotchy and sore. That’s because, for as long as I can remember, I’ve picked them until they bleed 😢. It’s not just my lips, either. It’s the skin on my hands and feet, my fingernails, my toe nails and even the inside of my nose.
I grew up with a lot of mental health issues and I spent my 20s battling some glaring symptoms: binge eating and drinking, rage, body image issues, low self esteem and even periods of pulling out my own hair, not to mention the painful relationships I had with family and friends. I was lucky to have access to DBT therapy which changed my life overnight. These days I feel very different, although that girl still lives inside me and I do my best to love and care for her ❤️.
The skin picking has carried on, though, and I’m simply not in control of it. Even though it’s sore and feels very visible I try to remember it’s better than it used to be. In the past I’ve had to take antibiotics for infections I’ve caused. Thankfully I’m a long way from those days!
Recently I’ve felt brave enough to start thinking and talking about it and I’ve decided I want it to stop. I’ve got a plan:
I’m going to start paying attention and make a note of what I’m feeling when I’m doing it. Better to tackle the behaviour at the source.
I’m going to try and re-direct that energy. I’ve been looking at fidget rings - have you tried one? I would love any recommendations for things I can do with my hands instead.
I’m going to take care of my skin and lips. Moisturisers and lip masks and hand creams and manicures. Again, all recommendations are welcome!
I got my nails done. When I’ve got extensions on it’s harder to pick so I’m going to try and use that in my favour!
I’m going to keep talking about it. Shame certainly isn’t helping me so I’m putting an end to that right now with this big, uncomfortable overshare. Thank you for being part of that ❤️
Wish me luck!
I did an interview about my job
How’s this for a tempo change? If you’re interested in my job (I’m a full-time Instagrammer/Content Creator/Podcaster/Author) then you might enjoy this. I had a chat with Amber from Anomalous Space, the venue that hosted my book launch, about what it’s like being self-employed and working in this weird and wonderful space on the internet.
Things I’m loving at the moment
Ottolenghi ragú. My Mum makes this vegetarian ragú and it is heavenly! Rich and delicious and totally more-ish. She says it takes a bit of time to make but it’s totally worth it.
David Larbi. David’s Instagram account is full of poetry and wonder and it brings me so much joy! He also has a podcast called Mindful Moments which you might love.
The Perfect Couple. I read this book over two days last weekend and was completely hooked! If you like crime fiction and you’re on the look-out for a good yarn this is a great place to start.
Silly Putty is great for fidgeting. It's cheap and comes in it's own little case/egg that fits in pocket. Has some texture so smoothing and mashing it in your hand Helped me stop picking at hangnails & cuticles and also good for add/ADHD
Fidget rings are super cheap and look good. Think Amazon and SHEIN 😊 I’ve got this little fidget toy that I find really useful for keeping my hands busy. It’s smaller and doesn’t look like a kids toy making it a bit less conspicuous when I’m out. I’ll send you a photo!